Letting go of approval at midlife is the shift you need and get to make

Kate

Aug 1

3 min read

Updated: Sep 22

The thing about midlife? You've arrived.

You no longer need to seek anyone’s approval.

Let’s just take some time with that one.

You no longer need to seek anyone’s approval.

How shocking is it to let that sink in?

You no longer need to seek anyone’s approval.

You have been there, you have done that, you have bought the t-shirt, you have designed the t-shirt, you have sold the t-shirt, you have distributed the t-shirt, you have exchanged all the t-shirts that didn’t fit, you have turned the t-shirt into Halloween costumes, you have created and managed the t-shirt sales spreadsheets, you have written the t-shirt sales piece for the annual report, you have presented the t-shirt sales profit and loss margins at the shareholder meetings.

And you have mended the holes in the beloved t-shirt when it got too old.

You know what you’re doing.

Everyone who knows you knows that you know what you’re doing.

That’s why they keep asking you to do more.

You no longer need to seek anyone’s approval.

Now you get to say no and let go.

We start out young and trying to prove ourselves. We start out and remain women (or we don’t, but if you are a trans woman, buckle up) so we always always always have to prove ourselves — even if we’re the Prime Minister of Japan, we have to prove that our sleep schedule is up to par. And if you’re a woman of color, you can show your medical ID to a plane full of people in order to help someone and you still will be doubted.

But take a look around: you are really really busy. That is because you are taking care of kids and maybe starting to take care of your parents. You are really stressed at work because you’ve been promoted and they keep asking more of you. In your free time you’re jamming in chorus rehearsal or a hiking meet-up or volunteer shifts at an animal shelter.

So all that stress? That is happening because people keep on counting on you.

You no longer need to seek anyone’s approval.

Because now you’re drowning. The to-do water level has been rising day by day for the past 20 or 30 years and now, if your partner is 5 minutes late to pick up the kids, that throws off the next five things you have carefully lined up in your overfilled day. If they’re 15 minutes late, it’s a catastrophe.

So now, instead of saying yes in order to be a team player, instead of taking on the project no one wants to tackle because it will give you a chance to prove yourself, instead of taking on one more committee role at church because you are afraid you’re not contributing enough

you just get to say no.

No.

No, that won’t work for me. No, thank you for asking, I can’t. No, I have too much on my plate. No, that’s not my skill set. No, I don’t have time for that. No. You can tell Delta to change its policy.

You no longer need to seek anyone’s approval. You get to say no.

Because they not only approve of you, they need you.

So you get to discern — what can I do while still enjoying my life? What can’t I do because it’s too much?

You get to center yourself now, instead of anyone’s approval.

You have been approved.

Now you get to rest.